The title is a little misleading. It’s not really about money. This post is about relationships. No, not your relationship with your siblings, parents, marriage partner, live-in, your dog or any of the other truly important ones in your life. You can Google those and find thousands of ‘How To’ articles on these topics.
But, I’m going to speak of money, a vital aspect of life on this planet, and your relationship with this ‘tricky’ tool. That’s right, it’s just a tool. But first, back to relationships.
What’s a Money Relationship, Anyway?
Some people that we share our wealth creation programs with say, “Money is good.” Others say, “Money is the root of all evil.” A few say, “Money is Maya.” This is what their relationship with money is. A relationship is created by the thoughts and the words you say about something. So, when someone says, “I can’t live without money” – that’s their relationship with money. And then, their actions and the consequences of these actions are given by their relationship.
Every relationship has actions and consequences.
Simple Example: My relationship with food? I love it all! Masala dosas, makhni dhal and tandoori rotis, gol gappas, ice cream, chocolate muffins, lemon tarts – just can’t get enough!
Actions? Unthinkingly, automatically, habitually, I reach for the next bag of potato chips when I’m already stuffed.
The Consequences? I turn into a balloon, and hate myself!
Of course, since I’m conscious of this habit and its impact on me, I walk away from the damaging consequences of over eating. I value a healthy mind, body and spirit and guide myself away from this robotic behaviour consciously and actively.
And, what does this have to do with financial security?
Let’s take the most common relationship with money.
Unsurprisingly, in thousands of hours of work with women, even very wealthy women, they say that for them, “Money is security.”
The Actions? Unthinkingly, automatically, and habitually they end up in romantic relationships that are centred around money for survival; work for money at jobs that they hate; spend more than they earn, among many others.
The Consequences? It’s a long list, but I’ve shortened it – you’ll get the sense of it:
- Constant worry and sleepless nights
- Relationships that just don’t work out because they’re centred on a thing, not the other person
- Resentment, jealousy and anger
- Constant comparison
- Addiction due to stress
- Fear of loss of job
- Fear of loss of relationship
- High anxiety
Money = Survival: The Truth About a Money Myth
So many people, not just women, believe that Money = Survival, that I thought that I’d bust this for you.
So, here’s what you do. Imagine yourself with a a bundle of cash.
Now, imagine that you’re walking through a dark, unlit part of town, where anything can happen.
And, if something does happen, tell me honestly, do you really believe that money is going to give you the security that you need?
I don’t even have to ask. Myth busted.
Another Way of Looking at ‘Security’
Believe it or not, ‘insecurity’ and ‘security’ are managed by the amygdala – an almond sized part of the brain.
For example, if you were crossing a road and a bus came up on you suddenly – you wouldn’t normally stop and wonder what to do. ‘Should I go left?’ ‘Should I run right?’ ‘Should I phone for help’ are definitely not things that you’re going to do. Without your knowing it, your amygdale swings you out of harm’s way, without your having to think about it.
Afterwards, in hindsight, you say, “This bus was coming at me and in a split second, I jumped for my life!” In fact, you do nothing of the sort – your amygdala does the work, and in truth, you have little to do, except…
Manage Your Fear, Move Past It, and Create Your Own Financial Destiny
You must manage your insecurity about your finances before you can constructively move on to the path of financial freedom.
If you let fear and anxiety lock you in, you’re doomed to a vicious circle of thinking, acting and settling for unrewarding results.
What consumes your mind controls your life.
And, if you move past the fear, you have a whole different future:
- Personal and professional growth
- Freedom from living from paycheck to paycheck
- Cash working for you instead of you working for it
- Disposable income
- Access to reaching life goals like retirement, education, holidays, and so much more!
- Rewarding relationships
- True self expression
In short, you have access to real security, freedom, and peace of mind.
To develop financial intelligence, you will need knowledge and training – just as you would in any other field. According to a United Nations study just 3% of Indian families actually achieve their financial goals.
Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as being stuck somewhere you KNOW you don’t belong!
For a playlist of five more Money Myths – click here.
If the thought of living with security, freedom, and peace of mind calls you from the heart, my invitation is to drop me a line or call me for a free consultation, something that I rarely do.